i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
