dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
