I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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