smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
