my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
