I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
