why didn't you poke me back
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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