How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
