I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
