I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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