I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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