Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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