We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
