I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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