; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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