Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
