just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
