i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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