We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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