Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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