yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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