he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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