she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
