my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
