I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
