I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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