My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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