does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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