i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize