I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
