I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
