How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize