4 words: hood of his car
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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