i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
