I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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