I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
