News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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