We won't sleep together?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
