proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
