He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
