People in love make me want to vomit
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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