There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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