Umm I'm too high to move.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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