Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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