Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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