I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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