My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
