and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
