Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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