its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize