erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
