My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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