Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
