that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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