we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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