i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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