Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
