Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize