I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
