Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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