community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
