I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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