I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
