I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
