The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
