Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
