Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
