I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
