Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize