Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
