I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize