I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
