i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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