it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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