You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
