Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
