dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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